(or, What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor?)by Jill Schinas, published in
Once upon a time Daniel and Beate decided to find our whether their liferaft really worked. So they lobbed it overboard.
As soon as the raft was inflated we all climbed in, and Daniel beagn to unpack the Christmas stocking. There’s one of these in every well-equipped raft.
Inside the stocking he found a broken bailer, a sponge, some not so yummy-looking rations, some water, some other bits and bobs, a bottle opener (of course – because it’s a French liferaft) and a book of instructions.
Although it was a French liferaft there was no beer in the stocking, so Beate fetched some and we settled down to read the book.
There was lots of useful info in the book, including some stuff about seabirds, some playing cards to cut out, and drawings of how to build a sauna on the desert island where you plan to wash up.
Nick lay back and drank his beer.
Everybody was very comfortable. It was a six man raft, and just the right size for six good friends.
Then some clever so-and-so decided that we ought to try boarding the raft; so they capsized it…
… and we had to climb out again.
Climbing out was a doddle. But it would be a lot harder if one were wearing oilies and wellies and a lifejacket.
A liferaft is a really neat place to hold a party! It’s like a waterbed with a sun shade! (The sunshade stank, by the way, and had we been feeling remotely seasick it would have been the last straw.)
Then we ran out of beer and some bright spark suggested that we paddle over to Mollymawk to get more supplies.
Boys on the port bank; girls to starboard. Nobody thought to get the drogue anchor up… but we got there anyway – and all without being rescued by the local Prefectura!
Here’s what we came for. Cheers, Daniel.
See how happy they all are to be hugging that rum! Every liferaft needs a bottle.
Most liferafts don’t come supplied with canapes and so forth. You have to catch your own tuna and sushi them, but there are probably instructions for that in the book.
Observant viewers will note that the tanks are going down. This is because the valves were leaking; and the caps didn’t fit the valves. I repeat – THE CAPS SUPPLIED WITH THIS LIFERAFT DIDN’T FIT THE VALVES! Who knows how many rafts go to sea with caps which don’t fit the valves? It’s always best to check this kind of thing for yourself.
“Help! Give us more rum, Jill!”
“No. You’re a bunch of piss-heads.”
So, four of them went for a sail in Tidely, the sailing liferaft. The other one was sleeping it off.
Rock-a-bye sailor…. We wondered what would happen if the Prefectura came along and found him there…
…but he woke up – (Not many people can say that they’ve woken up in a liferaft, by the way) – and he came home, and fell asleep again, in the cockpit.
